We Both Have Better Things to Do

I had a dream about you last night

I woke up at 9 confused and wondering if I should call you

because they say if you dream about someone it means they were thinking about you before they went to sleep

In my dream I couldn't sleep so I went to your bed and put on your beanie and hid my face

I knew you would be mad if you caught me

you saw me but you didn't want to look at me so you called your mom to get me out of your room 

right before I left I thought I didn't come all this way for nothing

so I turned to you and asked you why

you said you didn't trust me

I feel like this is as close I'll get to talking to you 

I Love You So

obsess much??

Mystic

I feel better a lot better

I don't feel heavy my appetite is coming back

 just that general sick feeling is gone

Even if I didn't get my questions answered maybe someday I will
but right now it doesn't matter
right now I'm happy
however it is a strange feeling knowing someone I consider perfect for me is out in the world existing, living, breathing, getting tattoos
Perhaps we jumped the gun and we weren't soupse to happen so quickly
maybe we went soupse to happen at all
I have been feeling a bit mystical lately
the urges to get my cards read with Meli have been increasing >n>
 I hope this feeling last
I think what I'm feeling is hope

But..

the idea of giving up makes me sad

how can I give up on something so dear to me?

on something I am willing to leave everything for?

should I stick though this?

I never lingered on the distance

I just always thought about that magical day when I can kiss him when I want 

 when distance wouldn't be something between us

what would suck is that you're honestly just so busy you haven't had the chance to reply but then I don't really believe that all to well

yo no se

yo no se

i keep giving myself mix signals and headaches

Chasing

Am I trying too hard?

Am I not giving off enough hints that I want you to talk to me?

I just miss you more than anything right now

This could be a bad idea laying all this out on the internet

I don't even know if you read this

It could just be a bunch of random people looking at this..

I wish I knew

I wish I knew what was going on your head

I just want so desperately for you to call me..

I've already call twice these past few days

But your step-mom said you weren't home

I've sent you a message on tumblr

But you haven't replied

I've even sent you a email..

Which you also haven't replied to

Should I just get it through my head that I'm just a crazy ex-girlfriend?

          that maybe you really are done with me?

          that you're happier without me?

          that you're avoiding me?

I don't know..

i guess I should give up

everyone is telling me too

it just seems a little tough for me to take

that the first boy who wanted to marry me would change his mind in 3 months I figure I would linger in you a little longer

marriage is kind of a big deal to me

because in my head when i said i want to marry you it translated to i want to spend the rest of my life with you and I would never want anything else

feelings like this take a bit more time to fade

at least for me it does

I hope you do call

 and say something how you didn't know I called and apologize profusely

 I don't want to chase you

there's no point

I'll just end up sad even more sad..

I really hate that I'm bearing all this on here

but honestly I don't know what else to do but hope that you read this and call 

I need some closure before I can fully move on from this 

Full Moons Make Everyone Crazy

on this full moon

I ask for knowledge

I want to ask what to do

tell me what to do

but

that won't help

I need to grow 

I need to speak up

I feel like these weeks coming up are going to be full of really big decisions

the kinds that are meant to change lives

.....

or maybe the moon is just getting into my head too

I just feel heavy 

so very heavy

 

 

 

Blue Jeans

boy you make my eyes burn
promise me you'll remember you're mine
baby can you sit through the tears
i loved you more than those bitches before 
say you'll remember
say you'll remember

Vocal Cords

I've never paid too much attention to voices
but when your relationship is based on pixels and phone calls..
I can't help but listen more carefully
It's not just the words but the tone 
I don't think I ever felt like he has lied to me

His voice just seem so sincere

¿Qué hora es mi corazón?

Where do i begin?

I never thought I would be one of those sappy love-sick girls

I don't believe in fairy tales 

                         love at first sight

                         true love

and I most certainly didn't believe in young love

I feel like I have been in love or at least I used to think so 

  as you can tell from my past posts that didn't turn out too well

Eventually I got over it

Eventually the hole in my chest was healed

then I went off to go like other people 

and to have those crushes remain crushes

 Thus reinforcing my previous thoughts on love

but then one lonely tumblr night I came across a certain face

and with a few clicks and against all my beliefs I was swept off my feet

I will try my hardest these next few line to try to describe how I feel for this boy

I'm completely entirely so very madly deep in love with him

I didn't think I could feel this way

especially with someone I haven't even met yet 

I am in love with someone who feel the exact same way about me

with the exact same intensity

I want to marry him

I want to sleep naked with him

              kiss his face forever

 I know it's only been a month and there is a very very strong possibility that were still in our honeymoon phase 

but I don't care!!!

all my other honeymoon phases never felt this good 

nor was a able to open up as much as I have with him

 It's not just death star explosions in my stomach that he gives me 

or that fact that his voice makes my heart beat faster than any kiss a guy has given me

it's not his love of star wars that has the ability to make me weak at the knees

It's a combination of things

 like the fact he call/text me everyday and apologizes profusely when he can't

       the fact that he sent me a heart-shaped pizza

       the fact that's he's always trying to make feel comfortable around him

       the fact that he can open up to me and call me his best friend

I have so many reasons to love him not including how fucking cute/sexy/handsome/mind-blowing-amazing 

GAH! there is just so much love I have for him and we still haven't met

I don't know how to end this but I'll leave it at this
I have been changed
I'm happier than I ever thought I could be
and I owe it all to him

I've never been so sure of my feeling before <3

 

this isn't even the tip of the iceberg

 

Less Than 3

I always feel like I don't like Valentines 

but then I see cute things and it makes me happy

I guess having someone make a difference

Either way thou these really make Valentines more fun

I was waiting a long long time for a boy like you

Time Stands Still

It's almost like whip-lash whenever I remember this.

 whenever I go back here
beacause I'm not just going through old pictures 
I read my thoughts
         my late night ramblings
         feelings that left a hole in my chest
         and feelings that brought me closer to the sky
I dont wanna make anymore promises that i cant keep
I just feel guilty afterwords

My hair is still short and now blonde
I'm in driving school
I have a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong distance boyfriend <3
and Alamo Wasteland is approaching it's one year anniversary

there are allot of under-lying problems going on and I'm not too sure how to cope with them.. I guess to face them head on is the only thing I can do

you have already done so much for me