Chasing

Am I trying too hard?

Am I not giving off enough hints that I want you to talk to me?

I just miss you more than anything right now

This could be a bad idea laying all this out on the internet

I don't even know if you read this

It could just be a bunch of random people looking at this..

I wish I knew

I wish I knew what was going on your head

I just want so desperately for you to call me..

I've already call twice these past few days

But your step-mom said you weren't home

I've sent you a message on tumblr

But you haven't replied

I've even sent you a email..

Which you also haven't replied to

Should I just get it through my head that I'm just a crazy ex-girlfriend?

          that maybe you really are done with me?

          that you're happier without me?

          that you're avoiding me?

I don't know..

i guess I should give up

everyone is telling me too

it just seems a little tough for me to take

that the first boy who wanted to marry me would change his mind in 3 months I figure I would linger in you a little longer

marriage is kind of a big deal to me

because in my head when i said i want to marry you it translated to i want to spend the rest of my life with you and I would never want anything else

feelings like this take a bit more time to fade

at least for me it does

I hope you do call

 and say something how you didn't know I called and apologize profusely

 I don't want to chase you

there's no point

I'll just end up sad even more sad..

I really hate that I'm bearing all this on here

but honestly I don't know what else to do but hope that you read this and call 

I need some closure before I can fully move on from this 

Thor

if he existed i probably wouldn't be crying in my bed right now
this thunder storm is getting too intense for me 
:c

Full Moons Make Everyone Crazy

on this full moon

I ask for knowledge

I want to ask what to do

tell me what to do

but

that won't help

I need to grow 

I need to speak up

I feel like these weeks coming up are going to be full of really big decisions

the kinds that are meant to change lives

.....

or maybe the moon is just getting into my head too

I just feel heavy 

so very heavy

 

 

 

The Force

First off The Avengers was the 2nd most beautiful movie I have ever had the privilege of seeing in theaters

Really, I felt like crying from the perfection

It was almost too much

I hope tomorrow goes well because I had to ruin my night by creeping

I feel like it will it is national star wars day after all!

and I would like wish to the only 2 people i feel actually read my blog...

Bambi- may the force be with you I will be waiting for your star wars band concert on the 18th

Diego- may the force be with you I'm still waiting for the okay to talk to you

Paper Bag

I have too many pixels of me and not enough film..
What am I going to do once the computer revolution happens after scientists were dumb enough to make robots that think on their own!
I guess buy more disposable cameras while they still develop film ._.
i truly dread the day film is longer produced looked what happened to the Polaroid

i wonder if my kids would think i'm pretty

 

Merry Happy

I deleted my Facebook
I'm not too sure if that was a coward move of me or not 
but i feel a little better
   nights are difficult
all i can really do is breath and think positive
I forget just how helpful my mother is in these situations
so thanks ma

I call an end to my grieving period

this is easier said then done however

I really want to be there for him..

and I will for as long as he lets me

I'm not gonna listen to sad songs 

and if i cry I'll make it brief

I have to remind myself that I'm stronger than I think

and I don't want to linger on what makes me sad

good luck to myself then 

i know that if we're meant to happen then we'll find each other again and i will keep that in mind as well

Blue Jeans

boy you make my eyes burn
promise me you'll remember you're mine
baby can you sit through the tears
i loved you more than those bitches before 
say you'll remember
say you'll remember

Nausea

it sucks 

i think my stomach and my heart are morphing into one organ

Vocal Cords

I've never paid too much attention to voices
but when your relationship is based on pixels and phone calls..
I can't help but listen more carefully
It's not just the words but the tone 
I don't think I ever felt like he has lied to me

His voice just seem so sincere

¿Qué hora es mi corazón?

Where do i begin?

I never thought I would be one of those sappy love-sick girls

I don't believe in fairy tales 

                         love at first sight

                         true love

and I most certainly didn't believe in young love

I feel like I have been in love or at least I used to think so 

  as you can tell from my past posts that didn't turn out too well

Eventually I got over it

Eventually the hole in my chest was healed

then I went off to go like other people 

and to have those crushes remain crushes

 Thus reinforcing my previous thoughts on love

but then one lonely tumblr night I came across a certain face

and with a few clicks and against all my beliefs I was swept off my feet

I will try my hardest these next few line to try to describe how I feel for this boy

I'm completely entirely so very madly deep in love with him

I didn't think I could feel this way

especially with someone I haven't even met yet 

I am in love with someone who feel the exact same way about me

with the exact same intensity

I want to marry him

I want to sleep naked with him

              kiss his face forever

 I know it's only been a month and there is a very very strong possibility that were still in our honeymoon phase 

but I don't care!!!

all my other honeymoon phases never felt this good 

nor was a able to open up as much as I have with him

 It's not just death star explosions in my stomach that he gives me 

or that fact that his voice makes my heart beat faster than any kiss a guy has given me

it's not his love of star wars that has the ability to make me weak at the knees

It's a combination of things

 like the fact he call/text me everyday and apologizes profusely when he can't

       the fact that he sent me a heart-shaped pizza

       the fact that's he's always trying to make feel comfortable around him

       the fact that he can open up to me and call me his best friend

I have so many reasons to love him not including how fucking cute/sexy/handsome/mind-blowing-amazing 

GAH! there is just so much love I have for him and we still haven't met

I don't know how to end this but I'll leave it at this
I have been changed
I'm happier than I ever thought I could be
and I owe it all to him

I've never been so sure of my feeling before <3

 

this isn't even the tip of the iceberg